Caramel's TGirls

Photography by Buddy Wood

Bella Belluci is about something. That was my first impression after we came into contact. I’d read many of her comments and responses to other threads at forums and admired the way she carried herself online. If you’ve read any of my model interviews before, you know that I love featuring very bright ones who have a lot to say.

I knew that Bella’s story would make for an interesting interview and here it goes:

Caramel: So you’re from Somerville, MA, “The City of Seven Hills” north of Charlestown. I’ve lived in Boston and the metro Boston area for 8 years and found that MA is not exactly the ideal place to transition. Is that why you left?

Bella: Nooo! I left Massachusetts because it’s a police state and its strict social code was a constant reminder of all the abuse I suffered in my childhood. They don’t call it “The Peoples’ Republic” for nothing. Before I moved out here to Orange County I lived for 5 years in New Hampshire which is a state I’ve loved since I was a child. I spent many summers on Lake Winnipesaukee and when I grew up I quickly fell in love with the state’s libertarian political philosophy. “Live Free or Die” has always been a personal motto.

The fact that I could live in another state and still be 30 minutes away from Boston was also a huge draw. Despite everything, I still loved the cities of Boston and Somerville, and still do, but I just couldn’t live there anymore. However, transition WAS actually a reason I left New Hampshire despite my undying affection for it. I was living in my brother’s rental property and I left to be able to do what I had to do make myself “right” without my destructive family around critiquing my every move. I could have lived somewhere a lot closer and just stayed out of sight but I chose California because I had made my ex-wife a promise that I would reunite her with her daughter and that’s precisely what I did. I don’t believe in broken promises.

Caramel: When my parents mistook my weirdness for being gifted, they sent me to a private school in Chestnut Hill, MA where I met a lot of kids from Somerville. Some were not very fond of people of color and to others, race didn’t matter. How did you end up in the more broad-minded category, sometimes known as being “colorblind”?

Bella: I didn’t end up there. I was born there. My parents were closet bigots. They mistook my “weirdness” for “gay” which didn’t exactly help things. At one point I found myself attracted to an Indian girl but was told I couldn’t date her. I asked them why that should matter and they replied that “she isn’t like you.” Of course the thing they failed to realize is that was precisely part of the reason for the attraction.

Personally I’m interested in anything new and different. When people run away from it, I’m always the one running towards. When I got older and was homeless, I started spending a lot of time in black neighborhoods and in the homes of friends, all of whom were minorities. That said, most people I know do NOT consider me white by any stretch of the imagination. Why Americans consider Italians white anyway I’ll never know, but the bottom line is that we’re all human and we’re in the same boat so we really need to work together to survive.

Growing up in Somerville, we also had racist gangs. I’ll never forget when the brother of a boy with whom I had a problem in Catholic school was killed and his body dumped in a playground in neighboring Medford. That boy ran a racist Irish gang called Notre Dame which he claimed translated to Ni**a Die. I remember thinking how sad it was that someone had to be murdered before anyone in my immediate circle realized how destructive and pointless bigotry is.

Caramel: This is pretty eiree. One of my classmates was killed and we believed that it stemmed from his taking a white girl to a party in Mission Hill. Boston was the only placed I’ve lived where I was called the “n” word by strangers while minding my own business. I’ve never had that happen anywhere else, even during heated confrontations.

Bella Bellucci is your stage name and a play on your Italian heritage. I’m a big fan of the actress Monica Belluci. Is there a connection there with your stage name?

Bella:  There is, but honestly I’m not a huge fan. Don’t get me wrong. She looked absolutely gorgeous as Persephone in The Matrix Revisited and I loved her character, but I borrowed her name simply because it’s Italian and alliterates with Bella. I chose Bella because I used to use Britney and found that name to be wholly unsophisticated at this stage of my life but I wanted to keep the ‘B’ theme, so… Bella Bellucci.

Caramel: Some sex workers and models and performers in the industry have a hard time keeping their dignity and it takes a tremendous toll on their personal lives. What sort of stuff does it take to not be dragged down by people who abhor porn and prostitution?

Bella: Well first of all, I don’t go around announcing it to everyone. I don’t normally introduce myself as Bella Bellucci or an adult model – even when I should sometimes which is something I probably have to work on. I have a normal life outside of my career in the adult industry and when people ask me what I do I tell that I’m a stay-at-home mom, businessperson, political writer, and web developer, and I’m not lying because I actually am all of those things. What’s also true is that up until recently, I was the boss, not the help, and while it’s sad but true, most people have a lot more respect for that.

But now that I’m a performer, I find it’s all in how you hold yourself. If you stike people as a “dumb porn star,” then they will degrade you because they assume that it’s part of your job description and that you’re not capable of much else. I never accepted that and I never will. Many times people are just so shocked to find out that we’re not all the same that that revelation alone stops them in their tracks and they are reduced to bumbling fools. Being articulate and having a large vocabulary doesn’t hurt either.

I also steer clear of problem people. Abuse victims, as you probably know, have a sixth sense when it comes to identifying threats. It’s very easy for me to stay away from trouble now, although I admit that sometimes people persist. When that happens, well, if you follow me on the Hung Angels board you know that I can and frequently do destroy people with mere words, so sometimes it helps to be a total and utter bitch.

Caramel:  You’re a self-described pagan. All I know about paganism is what I’ve read at Wikipedia. What does being a pagan mean to you?

Bella: For me it’s more of a philosophy. I was never really into magick and certainly never into worship. Worship implies that you’re thankful for your life and the “gifts” that “God” has bestowed upon you. I neither have gifts nor God. I don’t have anything that I didn’t earn. My spirituality to me is a means of survival, not a vampire sucking the life out of me like most religions are to people. I define it. It doesn’t define me. I began studying Wicca when I was 15, largely because it is a nature based religion that honors the divine feminine, but as I got older I found it too limiting and merged my beliefs with that of Native American Shamanism, Asatruism (Norse Paganism), and the nihilist philosophies of Nietchze.

I believe in karma, reincarnation, a spirit realm, animal totems, the power of the human spirit, etc. But yet I don’t think there is an overaching meaning to life which means that it’s up to everyone to define their purpose individually. Just as nobody can tell you who you are, they also can’t tell you why you’re here. I’m one of those people that has always been able to create her own reality, and not just inwardly, but outwardly. I just know what needs to be done, I visualize it, and I do it. You’ve heard of The Secret? Well to a Pagan, it was no mystery.

Caramel: Yes, I own The Secret and believe in the power of attraction. It reminded me of a course I took in NYC at Landmark Education which borrowed heavily fron EST by Werner Erhard back in the 70’s. Basically what I got out of it is that life is what you make it and that staying in integrity is a constant battle. These principles seem to be so basic until you try to apply them in every single thing you do.

Please describe the practice of astral projection to me. You’ve described it as easy and I’m not sure I get it.

Bella: It’s not easy. That was a joke. I first read about it in a book called Diary of a Witch by Sybil Leek. In one anecdote she describes how as a child she could frequently be in class and out playing  hooky simultaneously. I always took that with a grain of salt because while there are people who can separate their spirit from their body (I’m not one of them… yet), it takes years of practice and involves heavy meditation. While your consciousness can wander, astral projection pretty much leaves the corporeal body useless. What Ms. Leek claims she was able to do is a one-in-a-billion gift. It should also be noted that she was a good friend of Aleister Crowley in his younger days when he was still a gifted Pagan priest and not a Satanist.

Caramel: That’s because people fear what’s different. No one knows that better than you and I.

You’re divorced and a proud parent. Did your ex-wife have any idea when you first married that there would ever be a Bella Bellucci?

Bella: That’s a tricky question. I know she was always attracted to my strong feminine side but I think she was convinced that I had it under control, or more likely that SHE did. By being the typical nagging, controlling wife, it greatly reduced the amount of time I had for self reflection and over time I began to feel like her slave. As I stated before, I don’t believe in broken promises and I didn’t even begin to start thinking about transition until I had fulfilled all of mine to her. She and I had been in the adult business together since we met, so the adult modeling thing probably isn’t much of a shocker to her.

She claims I lied to her but I think we all know how transsexuality is so often repressed by so many of us under the stress of basic survival and/or pleasing those closest to us so that always struck me as unfair. Notice that I didn’t say “loved ones” because it was when I realized that she had actually OUTRIGHT lied to me about pretty much everything about her and that she was just using me that I knew I had to be myself or I would be stuck in the misery of being what everyone else expected me to be for the rest of my life. When my son was only 3 years old I began my journey because I didn’t want my son to think he had a parent with an ambiguous identity – I wanted him to know the real me. The timing was perfect because he doesn’t really remember any of it and to this day we have a remarkable relationship. We even finish each other’s sentences. Unfortunately, he looks like her, but hey, you can’t win ‘em all.

Caramel: There are a lot of people out there who can’t grasp the reality of someone who was married and raising a child transitioning to womanhood. As a matter of fact, I didn’t feel that the 2005 film “Transamerica” starring Felicity Huffman presented an accurate portrayal of some of the changes you’ve gone through. Do you think that film had any real impact on the mainstream who knows little to nothing about transgender issues?

Bella: No. None. And for a multitude of reasons. First off, the movie only saw a limited release. Much of the mainstream, unless they’re Felicity Huffman or Academy Award fans, has no idea the movie even exists and fewer have actually seen it. Secondly, after watching it, I feel it’s probably one of the worst movies on the subject that I’ve ever seen and it wasn’t even very entertaining. It’s a completely unrealistic view of the transsexual experience. It was very clinical, yet still inaccurate. I also didn’t like how the main character Bree doesn’t seem to open up or get comfortable with herself until literally the last scene of the movie. I know movie scenes are not shot in chronological order, but in this movie, it’s painfully obvious by what seems like her alternating level of self- assuredness for apparently no reason in context with the plot.

The movie’s sole purpose in my opinion was to showcase the acting talents of Ms. Huffman… and her role should have been played by a transwoman. The only scene I felt I could relate to was the one in which Bree goes to see her parents because I also sort of disappeared for a few years to do what I needed to do and of course I moved clear across the country to do it.

Caramel: I love the way you break things down and I totally agree with you about the film.  To be perfectly honest, I simply hated it.

Would you ever consider getting married again or is it out of the question?

Bella: I’ve said no in the past, but I’m starting to realize that that’s par for the course when it comes to divorce. I’ve always prided myself on not falling into sterotypical behavioral patterns and I’m used to being able to get through trauma better than most people, but at the same time that was going on I was also in court for custody of my son without an attorney, my business had just imploded, I was 3300 miles from home and didn’t know anybody, and my ex-wife had been literally not only telling me that I should kill myself but how to do it. My mantra for this period came in the form of an extremely well-timed fortune cookie fortune: strong and bitter words indicate a weak cause.

I feel lucky to have gotten through it alive but looking back I realized it wasn’t just the divorce that soured me on marriage but also all of the accessory issues I was dealing with, so I guess that’s a maybe. I made her wait 2 years to get married because I justifiably wasn’t sure about her and then I felt our relationship changed the day we tied the knot because she had already begun to feel that she “owned” me, so if I ever do it again, I’ll be sure it’s a real partnership.

Caramel: You have an interest in history; Native North and South American cultures, the Renaissance period, the American Revolution, Civil War, and the 20th century and also ancestral theology and philosophy. Did you develop these interests during your childhood or more recently?

Bella: I’m from Boston! That city is a treasure trove of early American history so absolutely I’ve always been a student of the past. It’s close proximity to Philadelphia, New York, and Washington, D.C. make it impossible to NOT be interested in history. I think it’s very important to remember where we came from, especially in trying times like these where the American experience and our very freedoms are under attack. Since I have also had a keen interest in politics, my studies in history help keep me idealistic. When our founding fathers faced adversity, they turned it into an opportunity to make people free and I truly feel that people who feel like we can’t do it again now are jaded, sadly mistaken, and have a socialist agenda.

As far as other periods of history, well the Civil War is important to me due to both of its main causes: slavery and state’s rights issues. It got the former right but the latter wrong. My interest in ancestral history goes to my Pagan roots and I’m always acutely interested in how theology affected the development of the modern world. The 20th century was perhaps the most tumultuous in human history, so to me that one’s a no-brainer.

Caramel: You also have an interest in radio and tv broadcasting. How and when did that develop and would you like to take these interests to a more advanced level some day?

Bella: I’ve always had an interest in broadcasting. When I was a child I used to audiotape mock radio shows as practice and I have met many radio and TV personalities. When I got older I moved into niteclub DJ’ing and Karaoke hosting and even Internet radio for a time. I’ve always felt it’s important to be able to effectively and articulately convey information and also to entertain and there are so many figures in the mass media who have become successful despite the fact that they can’t do either of those things. I would have liked to go to a 4 year college but now I have plans to go to broadcasting school instead because let’s face it: a communications degree is worthless these days.

Caramel: You used to run a business. May I ask what field it was based in?

Bella: I owned an escort service for 6 years. Because it was not a sex service, it was legitimately incorporated, and I paid all my taxes, I’ve never had any problem with admitting it. There are people who would challenge a person’s ability to do what I did in a legal way, but I did it. For those who are wondering how, let’s just say I did well but I wasn’t exactly getting rich off of it. I had to take a tremendous pay cut in order to appease my conscience and the law and I primarily employed girls that I had known for a long time, not random hookers passing through town like some other agencies. Many of my friends went to prison but I was never even questioned by the FBI. Not once.

Caramel: How did you learn to write code (CSS) and develop your WordPress site?

Bella: I’m self taught. I’ve been working with computers since I was 5 years old so I’m always learning new software and skills to continue to build on that knowledge. Most recently though I rebuilt a political blog and ran it for about a year. When my integrity clashed with my boss’s political manipulation, I was forced out. Thankfully though, I only have to code the customization of a site, not the entire thing.

Caramel: What are some of your favorite trans-friendly night clubs in L.A. and in other parts of California?

Bella: I haven’t done much exploring in other parts of California yet, but I go to all of the L.A. trans clubs and many of the fetish clubs. Up until recently I enjoyed Miss Kitty’s Parlour, but it seems sort of watered down these days. You can catch me at Cobra, The Palms or The Oxwood Inn once in a while if I have a date or am going to see friends, but I almost never venture out alone anymore because the closest club to me is about 40 minutes away and I’m sick of driving!

Caramel: I’m sure you get a lot of attention from cute guys when you go out. What type of guys do you like mostly?

Bella: Actually, I like older guys. The cute ones are generally younger and don’t have much going on. I have a child and I don’t really need another. I am a sucker for the strong but soft type. Think David Duchovny or Jonathan Frakes who played Commander Riker on Star Trek: The Next Generation. I’m obviously a bit of a geek so geeky guys may apply unless they look like something out of Revenge of the Nerds.

And still I love women sexually, TS or GG; it doesn’t matter, although I’m wary of relationships with them these days. I’m not outright saying it wouldn’t happen, but I’m a lot more cautious now after my divorce. Anybody that I’d consider being with long-term would have to be sexually open because I especially have a thing for women in threesomes. I think that monogamy is overrated, that loyalty is more important, and that the two are not mutually exclusive.

Caramel: At a nightclub you were recently attacked by a “role model of the transgender community?” From one Beantown girl to another, how did you stifle yourself from slapping her silly? ( I’m channeling Wendy Williams I guess right now with my gossip-like approach. How you doin?)?

Bella: Simple. It’s called security. I didn’t feel she could do anything to hurt me so I never perceived her as a threat. She attacked me because 6 weeks before the incident I put her on blast for being fake, a tease, and an alcoholic by giving her an all too accurate psychoanalysis in front of her friends. Mind you I’d only known her a few hours. After that she started scrutinizing me and trying to find my weakness and her getting physical was the final test.

That day she realized that she’s not smarter, she’s not prettier, she can’t break down my defenses, and she can’t even hurt me physically. Afterward she even tried to ostracize me socially and when that backfired too, she was nothing but apologetic. I’d rather not say who she is for now. If she bothers me again I’ll be more than happy to spill, but for now I think karma has a way of working these things out.

Caramel: If you were to develop an interest in the world of BDSM, would you lean more to dominant or submissive?

Bella: Who says I don’t already have one (lol!)?! I’m a switch. I prefer to Domme men and sub for women. I’m not into extreme pain or cutting or permanent marks of any kind, but I really get off on power exchange, collars and leashes, bondage, that sort of thing. Do I really come off as being that sweet and innocent? Maybe I should change that.

Caramel: No, it’s not that. It’s just that nothing about you screams D/s. But speaking of BDSM, I’m a big fan of Tempest of TS-Rockdolls . Are you really going to be working with her soon?

Bella: … and this would be a good way to go about changing my image! I’d like to work with her as soon as I can get out to Minneapolis but I have a lot of responsibilities here at home and my cash flow isn’t what it used to be. She does some really incredible work. I love her use of color and her aggressive yet inviting attitude. I’m really looking forward to it. It should be a blast!

Caramel: Will you be working with Jamie Coxx also?

Bella: Jamie is a different story. She has her own photographer and he has his own schedule for when he comes to L.A.. Honestly though, Tempest has shown a lot more interest in me than Jamie has, but I understand that schedules and money are tough for pretty much everyone to work out at the moment, so it’s probably just a matter of time. I also love Jamie’s look which is why I was drawn to her. Girls like she and Tempest use color in ways that I’m not all that accustomed to since my work tends to be more subliminal, but I’m definitely looking forward to expanding my horizons. Plus it just seems like it would be a lot of fun to work with either of them!

Caramel: Jamie is great too. I commissioned her graphic design work for Astrid Shay’s photo at TS Dreamland and she’s extremely multi-talented and professional. Since she’s so busy, I was amazed by the turnaround.

You have some cool ink on your bod. How many tats do you have and what does the Chinese characters on your neck translate to in English?

Bella: Why thank you! I have 10 in total over 14 sittings. I want to get a few covered or adapted so I doubt I’m done yet. The characters say “Love, hate, war, peace.” My favorites are that one, the wolf on my chest, and the dreamcatcher on my right shoulder. In fact I have dreamcatchers all over my house, in my car, and anywhere and everywhere since they symbolize my overall life mantra: Live the life you have imagined.

Caramel: In the adult industry, you’re relatively new to transsexual admirers who follow porn. You’ve done iFriends dating back to when it first became a big deal and most fans were still using 56k connections and you’re a fixture at Niteflirt . Aside from just being naturally hot, how is it that your making your major debut with a shoot by Buddy Wood with your makeup done by Hazel Tucker?

Bella: Is that a plug or a question (lol!)? I don’t think I’m hot. I’m just me and if people do happen to find me hot, then I thank them. As for the shoot, it came about because my writing career had stalled and my going to the clubs in L.A. meant that I knew a lot of people in the business. I didn’t want to do it at first for a multitude of reasons but then I realized that it was too natural of a fit for me that it would be ludicrous not to. Since I was always seen as the “mommy,” I like to joke and say that I was Buddy’s pegasus – the girl that nobody thought they could catch!

People didn’t know until recently that I even had a background in adult entertainment and since Buddy has a reputation for being the best, I knew I had to make my debut with him. Hazel doing my makeup was just icing on the cake. She’s a sweet girl and a very talented makeup artist. In fact in my shoot it hardly looks like I’m wearing any at all and that’s precisely what I wanted. Hazel rocks on so many levels!

Caramel: No argument from me there. I haven’t been to L.A. in 10 years and so out of touch with what really goes on there. I’d love to go back soon. Would you be willing to take me out on a gal pal tour to your favorite L.A. night clubs?

Bella: Absolutely! Things are pretty trippy out here and moving from the Boston area was quite a culture shock for me but I refuse to let it change me, so while I’m in the scene, I’m not of it and so I’m sure you’d be a perfect companion for me, being a guest and all. Come out anytime and we’ll do more than our fair share of partying!

Caramel: Sounds like a great plan to me!

Keep up with Bella at her Website, MySpace and Twitter!