January 25, 2011
May 9, 2011
Caramel: Hi, Candi and thanks for doing this interview with me. Our readers should know that I first learned about you through one of my favorite girls, Grooby producer and model Lucia Matthews. When Lucia tells me that someone fresh, hot and new in transgender adult entertainment I need to know about, I take her very seriously. When I saw who she was talking about, it only reinforced her good judgment. So here we are.
Candi: Hi Cara 🙂 It is my pleasure to share with you! I was missing Lucia like crazy. The both of us were suffering from mutual separation anxiety at that point, but I used it to motivate me to tie up my loose ends in PA so that I could make the leap and move to Vegas about one month later. My first trip to Vegas, I was there last week and to be perfectly honest, it was one of the most amazing weeks of my life, and certainly one of the most memorable. I met Lucia in October of 2010 through a couple of friends. I was instantly stricken with her beauty as well as her brilliant mind and outlook. We attended a Nocturne Halloween Party at Club Shampoo in Philadelphia and all had a great time together. She and I had great chemistry and enjoyed getting to know each other over the short time we had together. The next month, her website (formerly tslucia.com) launched and she came to Manhattan to celebrate at the Fusion Lounge. She invited my friends and I to accompany her to the party as her entourage/orgy. We all had a blast and before we knew it, we all returned to our respective homes, and we were left missing each other again.
Caramel: Congratulations on your work for Grooby Girls! How did the whole process work and who photographed you?
Candi: Over the holidays, Lucia and I kept in touch and she encouraged me to take a trip out west to do some modeling for GroobyGirls.com I jumped at the chance and took the first flight I could. When the plane landed, I called her and she informed me that we were going straight to PK Vegas’ studio for my first shoot. Instantly I was nervous, but the excitement of seeing Lucia and being in Las Vegas for the first time overpowered my nerves and replaced my apprehension with anticipation and sent me into the zone.
Candi: My first shoot for Grooby Girls (Candi’s Profile) went really well. I was super-nervous, but I was fortunate to have PK Vegas shoot my first set and Lucia shooting my second. My first set was completely solo but in my second set, Lucia was able to shoot POV-style for an added dimension, demonstrating my talents from closer angle. I appreciated that they did a very good job of making me feel comfortable and keeping the atmosphere as laid-back as possible while managing to maintain a professional focus on the task at hand. Once we were finished shooting, Lucia took me down to the strip to show me the heart of Vegas. I had only been in town for a few hours and I’d already been having the time of my life. I hadn’t really eaten much, so we took a trip to Sushi Kaya and finished our night off right with some great food. Over the next few days, I got the chance to see Vegas up-close. The city was so alive and full of color! I fell in love instantly and knew that it was not going to be easy to leave. I knew I was home. We did everything together while I was there. We ate together, we slept together, we even turned tricks together! I couldn’t have asked for a better guide/companion while I was there. I was excited to meet Bailey Jay while I was in, after being a long-time fan of hers. It was even more exciting to find out how awesome she is in person. We spent a few nights hanging out with her and even got the opportunity to celebrate the AVN Award for “Transsexual Performer of The Year” she had just won.
Candi: We took a trip to L.A. for Buddy Wood’s T-Party at Blue Moon Nights in North Hollywood. While were there, we got an opportunity to attend a benefit for Jessie Lee at Studio Servitu in Downtown L.A. where we hung out with our friend Amaris Crayn and the lovely Miss Crash and bought some snazzy prints of some sexy alt models in order to show our support. As that scene wound-down, we returned to NoHo to make an appearance at the T-Party and enjoy the beautiful dancers while getting a chance to meet lots of players from the L.A. scene.
Candi: After the T-party Lucia and I retreated to the after-party, but ended up sneaking away for some trap-on-trap fucky-sucky. We consummated our relationship in a heat of passion and brought the night to a close, love-struck and satisfied. Though the weather had been a little cooler than I had expected it to be, when we woke up on Friday morning, it was 90 degrees in Los Angeles and warranted a sun-kissed stroll through NoHo with Lucia and Amaris Crayn to enjoy breakfast outside. While I would have loved to have spent a little more time relaxing in the California sun, we returned to Sin City to enjoy a fantastic dinner with Bailey Jay to celebrate her award. The last day that Lucia and I had together was mostly spent cuddling and lamenting our imminent division. In the midst of our mutual luxuriation, I managed to shoot a scene of her for adult website that consisted of a trip to the grocery store in search of phallic fruits and vegetables that were fated to be prime ingredients for a health-food smoothie. The ‘juicy’ part of the scene took place in her kitchen, where she shared intimate moments with a banana, a cucumber, a carrot, and a Chinese eggplant. After she finished fucking herself with the ingredients, I filmed her cutting them up and blending them together with some apple juice and then we drank it. It was actually really good!
Candi: Our last moments together in Vegas were spent at Bailey Jay’s enjoying an amazing Ahi Tuna dinner that was certainly the best meal I had while I was in town. A perfect ending to a perfect trip. On the way to the airport I tried as hard as I could not to cry because I didn’t want my makeup to run before I got on the plane, but my attempts were futile. My love for Lucia and for our city overwhelmed me and the thought of having to leave them broke my heart. The mood was saved by spending the last couple of minutes in the car planning my return and my inevitable relocation.
Caramel: That is heartbreaking. I almost feel like crying myself, Candi. Okay, so back to “The Keystone State”. What’s going on with the transgender youth scene in the metro Pennsylvania area? Before Lucia told me about you, I’d seen that Miss Kitty Chaos and Corset Destiny had appeared at Shemale Yum. Is the Philly area running rampant with t-girls or something?
Candi: As far as the transgender youth scene in Metro PA goes, I’ll be honest and say that I’m not very familiar with it. I am from out in the country and until I met Kitty and Corset, I was the only t-girl I knew, period. I have always had an irrevocable feminine side since I was little and as hard as I tried to emulate all the boys around me growing up, I was never able to forge my own male identity. My older brother always referred to me as a “chameleon,” merely blending in with whatever group I was hanging out with at the time. It was no surprise to him or my parents when I told them that I’m a girl.
Caramel: How old were you when you first realized you identified more with being female than male?
Candi: I always identified with being a girl when I was younger, but I always thought it was weird, and being raised in a Christian household, behaving naturally as I had wanted to was certainly unacceptable and out of the question. I enjoyed playing Barbies with my girl cousins and could usually be seen carrying a stuffed animal from ages 7-14, which also encompassed much of the time I spent with my bedroom door closed, jamming out on my Walkman and lip-synching in my mirror to Paula Abdul. In high school, I mostly hung out with other girls, as most of the boys ignored my existence because I didn’t inherently act like them unless I was really trying. I attended a very small public school and none of this stood out to me as unusual, so I never thought to explore the “why” of it all.
Caramel: So what was your dating situation like?
Candi: I was in a relationship with a genetic girl for about seven years before I realized anything was amiss. I had always identified as being hers, so I had no reason to question much else. In 2009, I developed my first boy-crush and instantly I thought I was gay. My long-term relationship ended and I immediately sought out to find my true identity. I lived for almost a year as a gay boy, becoming more feminine-looking by the day. I entered a relationship with a guy that lasted about 8 months, and ended bitterly over the summer of 2010. I had been seeing a therapist who diagnosed me with Gender Identity Disorder, which I interpreted as “gay.” I already knew that. It wasn’t until I stumbled across a blog that had interested me and I found myself identifying with much of what the author was talking saying. It wasn’t until I was well into the blog that I realized that the individual was transgender and it prompted me to re-read what I had already been reading.
Candi: Suddenly it all made sense. I looked in the mirror and realized that over the course of my year as a gay boy, all but my underwear drawer had been replaced with women’s clothing. I never had an interest in cross-dressing or the idea of wearing women’s clothes, but they fit my petite frame much better than men’s clothes did and if nothing else, it gave me a jump-start on the inevitable wardrobe overhaul that would be due in the near future. For months, even though I’d been identifying as a gay male, I’d been mistaken for a female constantly by everyone who didn’t know me. I never minded it necessarily, but once my identity was realized, I felt like an idiot for not seeing it sooner. I began “officially” transitioning in September of 2010, even though my true self had clearly been subconsciously ingraining herself in my outward appearance for several years already, most notably from 2009 to 2010. I began my regimen of HRT in October of 2010, so I’m not very far along yet, but I already feel the changes taking place and it is awesome.
Caramel: So tell me something about your job.
As far as my involvement in the modeling scene on the East Coast, I am marketed as Female (as opposed to transgender) by a local division of PartyClique. As a ‘Clique Chick’ I do a lot of promotional work and help run the VIP parties at the gentleman’s clubs in the area. I get names on the list, promote contests, and await photo-ops all night. I love my job.
Caramel: That sounds like a blast, although not an easy job. The founder, Aaron Cupil started PartyClique in 2004 and it’s already one of the fastest growing media empires in the world. Speaking of fast growing empires, I was glad to see that you had a profile at Fetlife where registration there is free and members can view other member’s movie clips for a nominal monthly fee. At any rate, I was intrigued by your interest in age play. Aside from dating someone once who had a few adult baby outfits in her wardrobe, I’ve never really experimented with it. I’ve actually trained submissives who’ve called me ‘Mommy’ and never had a problem with it. However, my knowledge about infantilism is quite limited. So please help me understand age play better and what you like about it.
Candi: For as far back as I can remember, I have always enjoyed regressing to an infantile state in some way. It has always been about comfort and security. I am a lifelong thumb-sucker and I know I’ll never give it up. I do it as often as I can and it helps me feel secure at all times. As soon as I was potty-trained I remember wanting to wear diapers ever since, and every chance I had to get my hands on diapers that I thought would fit me, I would at least try and wear them. I never really understood my fascination with acting infantile until I got a little older and met lots of other people who enjoy the same solace as I do in regressive behavior. I will state that out of the hundreds of people I know who enjoy this, not one of them has any interest in children whatsoever. I understand how people can become confused by the notion of behaving in an infantile manner and how questions can be raised regarding the safety of actual children, but I assure you, infantilism has nothing to do with children.
Candi: I’m not going to take the podium and speak for every Adult Baby/ Diaper Lover/ Infantilist out there because I am not everyone. I am me. I know that my interests involve mentally and emotionally regressing back to my inner-little girl, cuddling with my blankies, my stuffed bunny Bebe, and sucking my thumb or pacifier, or drinking my bottle and being cuddled by my “mommy” figure. I love feeling safe, secure, and taken care of, and most of all adored. While this interest isn’t necessarily sexual for me, the idea of being indulged in this preferred behavior by the one with whom I am in love does excite me in a romantic aspect, just the same as anybody else when they are in love. Quite simply it is not a fetish for me, but a lifestyle that when indulged always brings me great happiness, and the closeness I feel with the one I love through this indulgent connection can be very exciting. Lucia is the most amazing Mommy ever, though she is new to this particular relationship dynamic. It comes very naturally to her and she makes me feel more secure, loved, and adored than anyone I’ve ever had the pleasure of being with. It’s certainly my favorite aspect of what we share. She’s also a really fun, adorable playmate! <3
Candi: I’m in no way ashamed of my lifestyle because I know there is nothing wrong with it. I can’t honestly say that I cosplay as a baby girl, but I more or less just be myself in the simplest sense of the term for my own comfort. It’s who I am at the most basic level It satisfies a need in me that I don’t necessarily understand, but I don’t really try to. I know how to satisfy it and I personally find it adorable, diapers and all.
Caramel: I can certainly relate to having needs satisfied whether you understand them or not. I agree that sometimes it’s pointless to over analyze things and just enjoy them. Back to your new work at Shemale Yum and at TS Lucia. I know it’s been less than a month, but how’s the feedback been and is their anything in the works with other companies like possibly making full-length feature films?
Candi: It hasn’t been long since my sets went up, but I’ve been getting some great feedback and ratings! I am really excited about shooting a hardcore for Shemale Yum tomorrow! Also, I’ve been working with Lucia a lot with content for her site and I’ve been enjoying every minute of it, especially when I get to shoot POV scenes. Also on the horizon, I am modeling for a few DVDs with Devil’s Film as well. I feel much more confident about my blossoming career at this point and am getting ready to post my blog within the next month or so, hopefully. Keep an eye out for www.candimcbride.com!
Caramel: So are you well on your way to becoming a Nevada resident?
Candi: As far as becoming a Nevada resident, I am settling in here very nicely. I have everything I need here in a very nice location. Currently, I’m working on assembling my nursery in my master bedroom and I expect to have it complete by the end of the summer. In the meantime, Mommy and I are getting ready for a vacation to Disney that we’re taking at the end of this month (May). I also just celebrated my 5-month mark of being clean of drugs and alcohol! I am happier than I’ve ever been and I couldn’t ask for anything more.