October 15, 2011
I first learned about Seleena when I saw her her website SeleenaK.com and then I saw her YouTube Channel. Those tastefully erotic links took me to her Clippete Store where I read “I’m a t-girl with a passion for nylons and ultra-high heels who firmly believes that the sexiest things in life are the things you don’t see.” Next, I found her Tumblr Blog and when I bumped into her at FetLife, I finally said to myself, “I’ve got to interview this sexy, prolific chick and find out what makes her tick!” I wasn’t sure if she’d be interested, but fortunately she replied that we should do it. I hope you’ll enjoy it!
Caramel: Hi, Seleena. Before we got to talking, I had a strong feeling that I’d feel very comfortable with you. What I loved most about your site is that was that it’s all about you, but without the vanity and self-serving arrogance of so many other individual personal websites I’ve followed. I know a lot about Seleena K and who she is today, but I want to learn more about the beginning and where it all started first. How old were you when you first began dressing as a girl?
Seleena: First off, let me tell you what an honor it is to be the subject of one of your fabulous interviews. I’ve read so many of them, and hardly feel worthy of joining the list of Cara interviewee’s. But since you’re asking …..I’ve met over a hundred other t-girls in my lifetime and have yet to find someone with the same beginning as me. I came into this quite late in life. I was in my 40’s and had played a little in the BDSM lifestyle. I had never dressed as a girl as a kid and, although I spent lots of time watching porn, buying magazines and surfing the web, the whole t-girl/shemale thing never really interested me.
In the BDSM world, I’m a true switch .. a person-specific switch .. and while playing once, I was introduced to forced femme. It had only a little appeal to me but as part of a scene, I was fine with it. It seemed my partner was more excited by it than I was, so in an attempt to please her, I decided I should acquire the basic wardrobe items to help with my presentation. So I did that .. makeup, boobs, wig, a small wardrobe .. as I was leaving the bedroom to greet her, I stopped to look at myself in the full length mirror. At that moment, my life changed forever.
Maybe a girl had always been inside me and I was in denial .. I’m not sure .. but at that moment, another person was born. And I never looked back. Most would consider me a transvestite or crossdresser but I’m really a two-spirited person. When I’m him, I’m him .. and when I’m her, I’m her and I value both. The compromise that I’ve learned to live with is to not make any physical changes in one persona that compromises the other .. and it’s a huge compromise.
Caramel: When genetic women women wear lingerie and other articles of feminine clothing, they sometimes enter a zone that taps into their sexuality and gets them turned on, wet and ready, so to speak. Transsexuals experience the same feelings. I believe that crossdressers and transvestites enjoy the same erotic feelings every now and then. Some of us who were born male dress in female clothing every day and think nothing of it anymore. I no longer get turned on just by wearing female clothing because it’s just natural to me. But when I first tried on a pair of pantyhose and slipped into a pair of high heels, those were highly erotic experiences for me. When you first began dressing, did it turn you on sexually?
Seleena: Yes and no. I never went through the “put on a pair of stockings and heels to jerk off” phase, but my sexuality is very closely connected to what I wear. When I wake up in the morning and get dressed, there’s nothing sexual about it. But I do get a heightened sense of body awareness and that often translates into sexuality for me. It’s hard to explain but I’m always very aware of what I’m wearing and to some degree it’s sensual without being sexual. The tug of a bra strap when reaching for something, the calf extension when walking in the heels all mean something to me. Maybe it’s that feeling of comfort that so many mention.
Caramel: Leg shots and videos are the most popular requests from your fans. I know that you’ve wondered if your legs were girlish enough and worried that you might have “tranny feet” and it seems kind of ridiculous that you’ve recently stated that you weren’t sure about whether or not your gams and peds were feminine enough. Have you accepted that you have nothing to worry about in those areas yet?
Seleena: Long answer to a short, great question *giggling*. For the longest time, “passing” seemed important to me and then one day that need just vanished. I never wanted to “be” a woman yet never considered myself a guy in women’s clothes. I suddenly became very content being a t-girl. When that happened, I was no longer concerned about being feminine enough. It was pretty silly … I used to retouch my photos in an attempt to remove any sign of muscles in my calves. You know, “normal” girls don’t have noticeable calf muscles! But after I came to terms with who I am, I became truly content with every inch of me.
Caramel: I’m sure that a lot of fans want to see more of you than your pretty face and hot body. To be blunt, you and I both know that they want to see photos and videos of you exposing your penis, whether flaccid or erect. I know that you firmly believe that what they don’t see is usually much sexier than what they don’t see. But are you ever tempted to show your elegant glamour and bdsm photos and videos with an even racier edge? Let me get straight to the point. Do you ever plan to expose Seleela K exposing her cock?
Seleena: This might seem strange but my site visitors very rarely ask me to expose my cock! Everyone wants to see a bulge or the hint of an erection under a tight dress but hardly anyone asks for my totally exposed cock. And I guess I kinda like it that way. There are so many very young, very gorgeous girls out there with young bodies and very large and pretty cocks. An older girl like me doesn’t belong in that arena.
I’m also concerned by piracy and the general sense of entitlement that’s out there today. People think that just because they saw it on the web, they’re entitled to download it, change it, redistribute it, even sell it … and the more mainstream porn-ish my work is, the more copyright infringement is likely to happen. You must experience this too .. where you put your talented content out there and someone either uses it without your permission or steals it and portrays it as their own.
Caramel: When you’re an online presence, you have to worked hard to maintain your privacy, both for yourself and to protect those close to you. Do you have a public sector job that would be in jeopardy if your employers found out about your website?
Seleena: I struggled and worried about that for many years .. it would have been pretty devastating .. but I’m proud to say that due to many years of hard work and by living a relatively modest life style, I was able to leave my corporate gig at a very young age. In my private life, there was only a few people who I needed to hide this from because I think it would have hurt them deeply but two have died in recent years. There’s now really only one person who’s life I’d rather not complicate.
Caramel: You’ve read some of my interviews before you accepted my request to do one with me and you know I ask some hardball questions. I know there’s an important woman in your life named Kim and and important man in your life named JJ. Are you bisexual, Seleena?
Seleena: Dontcha wish I could just answer one of your great questions with a yes or no? teehee! This one’s a bit complicated but I’ll try to explain. Kim is my life partner. We’ve been together forever and she was with me through my evolution. Our relationship gives me the freedom to be who I am yet provides the stability I need. We’ve built a great life together and she’s everything to me. Regarding my sexuality, I like to use the term “bi-playful”. At my core, I’m quite hetero. When I play with a woman, it feels like “sex”. When I play with guys or other T’s, it feels like “play”. Although my play partner would never detect a difference, deep inside me there’s a big difference. I can play with any gender very enthusiastically but within my psyche, there’s a big difference. So does that make me bisexual? I’m not sure.
Caramel: I actually prefer long answers, the longer the better. Did you discover BDSM on your own or did someone else turn you on to the lifestyle?
Seleena: I discovered BDSM, and the sexual feelings around it, on my own at a very young age. A magazine image from those early days is still very clear and detailed in my mind. It was based on a bondage and objectification theme, and it awoke feelings in me that have remained to this day.
Caramel: When did you first develop interests in latex and bondage?
Seleena: Bondage became important to me at an early age but latex was something I got into in my 20’s. Back in those days, it was really considered a hard fetish. Latex garments only came from Europe back then and were very expensive. The look appealed to me enough to order some stuff for my lover but when it arrived, the smell and feel put me over the top.
Caramel: I find it intoxicating too. When you decided to launch your site in 2007, did you expect the content and traffic to grow to where they are today? Your stats in the first year went from an average of 6 hits per day in the first month, to just under 150 hits per day. By September 2009, it reached the 50,000 visitor plateau. Today, your traffic is off the chain, girl. How do you feel now after making a name for yourself?
Seleena: I’m still in awe .. or maybe “disbelief” is the right word. I know what’s available online and, quite frankly, I’m still not sure why anyone would want to spend any time on my site. But they do and I’ve learned to stop trying to analyze it. I know what I do is not for everyone but the stats indicate my site loyalty is quite high. For me, the site is a place to express myself and is a release for some of the passion I have for making photos and videos. And when I’m mentioned elsewhere on the web and considered to be a legitimate part of the huge and very hot trans world, I just scratch my head in disbelief. Me? Really?
Caramel: Was it difficult to design and open your chatroom?
Seleena: No. I didn’t really design the chatroom from scratch. I just customized and integrated free chatroom software that already existed. It was great fun for the first couple years and then it started to get a little too clique-ish for me, so I shut it down. A group of regulars would be there whenever I was, and when a newcomer would appear, that new visitor would have a hard time getting into the discussion. I think most of them felt like they had crashed the party and didn’t belong there .. that made me feel bad so I shut down the chatroom.
Caramel: I understand that. Cliques online can be just as awful as clicques in real time in some cases. In July 2008, at Toronto Pride, you ended up in the local newspaper and although you liked the photo, was this the most “outed” you’d been to date?
Seleena: Yeah, pretty much! That newspaper has a very large circulation and the Pride coverage is something that’s sensational enough that almost everyone checks it out. I gave the reporter a “thanks but no thanks” and kept walking but one of my friends stopped and talked to him. We still laugh about it to this day. Due to a typo on their part, they referred to us as “dag queens” hehe!
Caramel: There’s always that one person in a group of friends who has to zig while everyone else is zagging. How important is feedback from your fans, whether it’s about they’ve taken some dressing tips from you or even a sexual thrill?
Seleena: Feedback is really important to me but flattery is not. I don’t need that kind of reinforcement and it always seems very hollow to me. My mirror works just fine. I’m happy with my appearance and I know I don’t look nearly as good as many tell me I do. The most flattering thing about feedback to me is that someone took the time to comment at all. It’s often more important than the content of their feedback. But every once in a while, I get feedback that touches my heart .. and it’s always about how I was able to inspire someone to be brave and to be the best they can be.
Caramel: Modesty is such an appealing virtue. Are you still writing erotic fiction?
Seleena: Not recently. I don’t think I’m very good at it. I’m a better at reading erotic fiction that writing it, but I have to tell you Cara. You write some hot stuff, doll! Whew!
Caramel: Thanks, Seleena. *blush* I’m looking forward to getting published and giving you a signed first printing. I get a kick out of what you call your “Bimbo Across America” road trips? What US cities are your favorites?
Seleena: Several years ago I fell in love with the desert Southwest and used to fly there quite often. Tucson AZ feels like my home away from home. I’ve spent hours looking out the airplane window while flying across the country and always wondered what it was like down there. So I decided to find out! And my Bimbo Across America road trips .. I’ve done two .. came from that curiosity. The US is a beautiful country with a hugely varying landscape and many different cultures .. some very accepting and some not so much .. so I try my best to keep a low profile while travelling. You know, rest stops in the interstate highways .. get in, get it done and get out! Arizona and New Mexico are my favorite states even though they’re both extremely vanilla and not the most friendly place for a girl like me. But lots of kinky stuff happens in the gorgeous, secluded homes in the hills outside of the big cities yet there are few places out there where I feel comfortable out in public. The solitude of the desert just soothes my soul so I return as often as I can.I recently discovered Provincetown and love it there too. I‘m heading back soon to attend a TG event that happens there every October.
Caramel: You’ve met over 50 of your online friends in person. That’s not odd to me since all of my adult relationships in real-time the past ten years began with online correspondence. Luckily, I’ve only met a few nut jobs. Can you tell me some success stories about people you got to know online and later met in person?
Seleena: That number is much higher than 50 now. And yes, the vast majority of them have started with online correspondence. I’ve had several success stories. I met most of my best friends online but one stands out above the others. For several years I had been a quiet fan of a particular gorgeous blonde with the greatest boobs and fabulous legs. She had a personal website that was free; she had a large fan base and was the inspiration for several of the female pay sites out there today. She was married and in a high profile occupation .. and never showed her face but her appearance and passion for seamed nylons, skyscraper heels, ultra-tight dresses and glossy pantyhose hit my bulls-eye. Then she stopped doing her website updates and soon after took it down totally saying that there just wasn’t the time and energy left for them to continue. I felt bad but understood. She never knew I was a fan. Then one day, in my inbox on one of those “alternative lifestyle” websites, was an email from a guy. It seemed a little different than most and we began a dialog. He was married, very much into that style I described and also thought t-girls were hot.
Well, at some point in our discussion, it came out. He was the husband of the woman I had idolized for so long! He didn’t know I was one of his wife’s fans and I had no idea that t-girls appealed to her husband. Needless to say, Kim and I were on a plane soon after that heading to their part of the world. To this day, they are my best friends .. “with benefits”, or course! That’s my biggest success story.
Caramel: That’s an amazing story! When discussing your Clippette store, you’ve stated that a t-girl should expect is between 8% and 10% of the traffic a genetic female receives, assuming the quality is the same or comparable. I agree with your number crunching, but do you ever hope that we can bring these statistics to a higher level? If so, what do you think we need to do to raise those stats?
Seleena: I do wish we could bring these stats up, and see a trend indicating that they are.. in fact, increasing but I’m not sure how much of that increase is because of us directly. In my opinion, part of that increase is due to changes in society. People continue to become a little more open-minded as the years go by. And the other factor is the general “de-feminization” of women. I’ll probably get in trouble for saying this but the average woman has opted for comfort over femininity in the way she presents herself on a daily basis. They take femininity for granted because they were born that way. Many of us, on the other hand, cherish femininity and work hard to always present ourselves in that light. Guys .. and a surprisingly high number of women .. seem to appreciate that. So our numbers keep creeping up.
Caramel: About YouTube and your videos there, how much more traffic do you think has driven new people to your website?
Seleena: YouTube has been very good to me. It’s been a constant source of encouragement and feedback for me. My stats say it drives visits to my site. I just wish I had the energy and technical help to be able to produce more video content in the style that I’ve chosen.
Caramel: What about Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, etc. Are these good tools for you to bring in new admirers?
Seleena: No, no and yes. Facebook is a pain in the ass for me. My transgender friends there spend most of their time bitching about how nature has been so cruel to us and there’s way too much hollow wishing. You’re never going to BE a woman so get on with your life and make it the best you can. Don’t wish! Do it!
MySpace is similar but with an even less mature crowd and an uglier look and feel. Twitter, on the other hand, has been great. Not only does it bring traffic to my site, it seems to bring a more targeted traffic. My site loyalty from Twitter referrals is high.
Caramel: I don’t know what the hell happened to MySpace. I forget to check in there for weeks at a time. Facebook is better but comes with its own set of problems. I like Twitter and Flickr alot. What music do you listen to?
Seleena: Classic rock, baby! I’m a huge fan of 60’s psychedelic music and stuff from the early ‘70’s. Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, Dire Straits, Steely Dan. Some 80’s music is cool too but I listen to pretty much anything except metal, country (new or old) and heavy jazz.
Caramel: Rock on, Seleena and thank you for doing this interview with me!